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Wednesday December 2nd, 2015

Scientists have long been baffled by the way ravers insist on sleeping in kitty litter. “Ravers have always loved sleeping in that stuff,” says raveologist Jeffrey Winks. “It’s been going on since Ludwig Van Troubador threw the world’s first dance party back in 1859. At the end of the party, after everyone was done busting moves to early psytrance, the ravers all went home and fell asleep on a pile of kitty litter. Until recently, no one knew why ravers were drawn to this kind of sleeping arrangement, but now thanks to some recent research, we might have finally figured this mystery out.”

It turns out, rave music alters people’s DNA in ways that make them act like cats. “Techno music changes who we are at a genetic level,” says Jeffrey. “It basically flips off certain genetic switches, regressing us to a more primal state. Millions of years ago, cats and humans shared a common ancestor, a placental mammal whose descendants also include dogs, bumble bee bats, and manatees. Techno music basically makes us behave more like this common ancestor of ours, and we believe that this ancestor really loved the kind of clay that kitty litter is made of. This clay material resonates with ravers on a deep and primal level. After they listen to techno music, it’s like they’ve gone back in time to when their ancestor was the kind of basic creature who liked to piss and shit in kitty litter like environments. Sleeping in this environment soothes the raver and comforts them.”

Most ravers, when asked, can’t explain their love of kitty litter. “When I sleep in kitty litter, it makes me feel the same way that drinking chicken soup does. It just warms my soul. I don’t know anything about the genetics of raving, i just know what feels right, and sleeping in kitty litter feels right.”
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