BARE YOUR BOOTY TO BEARS PARTY ENDS IN TRAGEDY
A brown bear broke out of its cage at a nature themed party on Saturday, mauling several young adults who are now in critical condition. Police arrested promoter Todd Biddleman on charges of animal cruelty.
This isn’t the first time Mr. Biddleman has been arrested on rave related charges. The promoter is notorious for organizing dangerous parties. His latest event, The Bare Your Booty To Bears Party, took place at a farm on the outskirts of Montreal. Mr. Biddleman had procured half a dozen bears, which he had locked in cages for the event.
“The idea was to party hard with a bunch of bears,” says party goer Melissa Catharsis. “And for the first hour, it was a lot of fun, but the bears became increasingly agitated. They were growling at the ravers incessantly from inside their cage, and pawing hard against the walls of their iron prisons . They didn’t look happy at all about being stuck in a room full of hipsters dancing to loud music."
Police say that one of the cages hadn't been properly secured. “One of the bears managed to free itself,” says Sgt. Robert Teralta of the SPVM. “Once the bear was loose, it began mauling ravers left and right."
Bear-on-raver violence isn’t unheard of, says animologist Turin Shard . “It’s a little known fact, but bears have been preying on ravers ever since the first DJ dropped a beat decades ago. Bears love to feast on the flesh of EDM fans. They can’t help it — bears are genetically hardwired to prey on techno enthusiasts. I don’t think this incident was an accident. I think Todd Biddleman knew what he was doing. He realized that one of these bears would break out and kill people. It’s a case of murder-by-bear."
Todd denies the charge. “I just thought it’d be funny if my party took place in a room full of caged bears,” says Todd. “If i had known that those beasts craved raver meat, I never would have thrown my Bare Your Booty To Bears party. I’m guilty of being stupid and irresponsible, but that’s it."