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Tuesday August 11th, 2015

A recent study by the Real Statistics Foundation revealed that modern party goers spend over 65% of their time at events staring at their phone, a number that has alarmed event organizer like Erik Hogan. “Some people spend more time staring at their damn phones than they do dancing,” says Erik. “It’s a disgrace. In some ways, cell phones have destroyed the party scene. You can’t get away from technology anymore. It follows us everywhere."

The fact that people can no longer escape technology inspired Erik to launch a one of a kind party where people need to have their eyes on their phones at all times, otherwise they’ll be kicked out by bouncers. “I’ve lined up the best DJs in Montreal, and I even have a huge surprise act flying in from Germany. I’m going all out. I want this event to have the best music you’ve ever heard, and then I want to make it impossible for you to enjoy it. I’m hoping that by making it mandatory for people to stare at their phones at this event, they’ll realize how obnoxious phones are at parties. If you can’t leave your phone in your pocket at an event, leave it at home."

Not everyone agrees with Erik’s criticisms. “Man, Erik is such an old fart,” says 18 year old neo-raver Gary Von. “He needs to get with the times. Phone’s aren’t just a piece of technology, they’re also a piece of us now. They’re part of who we are. Of course we’re going to spend our time staring at them while we’re out partying. It’s how we interact with reality now — through the eyes of cellphones made by poor people in China."

The Hold Your Phone party takes place August 27th at the Tamaman Dance Hall.
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