Index - About Us Register - Login
Menu
 
Article Listings
 
Newest Articles
 
All Articles
Monthly View
 
2017 October
 
2017 September
 
2017 August
 
2017 July
 
2017 January
 
2016 May
 
2016 April
 
2016 March
 
2016 February
 
2016 January
 
2015 December
 
2015 November
 
2015 October
 
2015 September
 
2015 August
 
2015 July
 
2015 June
 
2015 May
 
2015 April
 
2015 March
 
2015 January
 
2014 September
 
2014 August
 
2014 July
 
2014 June
 
2014 May
 
2014 April
 
2013 November
 
2013 October
 
2013 June
 
2013 May
 
2013 April
 
2013 March
 
2013 February
 
2013 January
 
2012 November
 
2012 October
 
2012 September
 
2012 August
 
2012 June
 
2011 December
 
2011 November
 
2011 August
 
2011 July
 
2010 December
 
2010 November
 
2010 October
Like Us!
Tuesday April 14th, 2015
ARE CONSERVATIVES HUNTING RAVERS FOR SPORT?



Conservatives across Canada are under fire after dozens of allegations surfaced over the weekend that they’ve been attacking ravers for sport. “We are not hunting people down,” says conservative MP Krual Ebilguy. “There is absolutely no merit to the allegations that members of the conservative party are going around with guns targeting ravers in some kind of twisted game of duck hunt. It's an outrageous lie that has been fabricated by the liberal media, and the fact that some people actually believe it suggests that we need to consider overhauling our educational system. It’s incredibly that anyone can be that gullible."

Ravers, however, refuse to believe the chorus of denials from conservatives. “Over the last two weeks, I’ve been chased down the street on multiple occasions,” says one raver who refused to be named. “On each of those occasions, the culprit chasing after me was a different elderly man, but all of them had white hair, a Stephen Harper button on their lapel, and an AK-47 in their hands. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I think that’s a pattern."

Other ravers shared similar stories. “I was trying to listen to some psytrance when a white guy jumped through my window and started shooting at me,” says DJ Belieber. “I know the guy was conservative, because he kept yelling ‘Who is John Galt?’ at me over and over again. If I didn’t have lightning fast reflexes honed by years of mixing psychedelic beats together, I’d be a dead man right now. Psytrance gave me the speed to dodge a bunch of bullets, but i’m worried I won’t be fast enough to out run the conservative death machine.”

Conservatives, for their part, insist on their innocence and have repeatedly denied all ties to any anti-raver campaign. “If we were going to hunt people down, why would we start with ravers? I think it’s safe to say that we would start with poor people,” says Mr. Ebilguy, “not people who have poor taste in music."
Comments
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2017 Rave News