DRUNK RAVER PISSES ON HIS MOTHER'S FACE
“My life will never be the same,” says 17 year old Chris Boolean, who drunkenly urinated on his mother’s face early Saturday morning after mistaking the door to her bedroom with the door to the bathroom. “It was around 6am. I had just got back from this epic EDM party and my head wasn't on straight. I stumbled into the house, and you know when you're drunk, doors start looking a lot alike. They're rectangular, they have knobs. It’s easy to get them confused. So, one thing happened after another, and suddenly my mother’s yelling at me. Nothing gets you sober like the knowledge that you just pissed all over your mom.”
Family therapist Erin Goodweather says that it’s not uncommon for children to piss on their mothers. “Of course, the vast majority of these urinary events happen when the children are still wearing diapers,” says Erin. “It’s not at all common for grown teenagers to piss on their parents. In fact, that’s kind of weird."
Chris says that he is now looking forward to a long and awkward future with his mother. “I think things would have gone alright if she had started yelling at me in anger,” says Chris. “But she didn’t. She started yelling at me in excitement. She told me she had always dreamt of this moment and that she was happy that I shared her love of mother-son golden showers.”
Erin says this is also uncommon. "Most mothers don't like the idea of their grown children pissing on them," says Erin. "I'd say this family has serious issues and are in desperate need of some therapeutic intervention."
Chris says he’s not at all sure what his next step is. “I think it’s important that teenagers learn that raving can be brutally dangerous,” says Chris. "You might rave so hard that you end up pissing on your mom. And that’s not the worst of it, she might like it. Raving. Not even once. It’s just not worth it."