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Thursday July 17th, 2014

John Peswick, a 19 year old Pointe-Claire resident, is angry that people don't share his taste in music. “I just think it’s indecent,” says John. “You know, they could be out dancing to real music, like the kind I listen to, but instead they insist on listening to other kinds of music. What’s up with that?”

The fact that not everyone shares John’s taste in music bothers him a great deal. “I just think the world would be a much better place if everyone had the exact same taste in music that I do,” says John. “I like to think of myself as a barometer for what has value and what doesn't, and anyone who disagrees with me is a stupid idiot that deserves to die.”

John’s passion for music has given him a reputation for hostile aggression. "I love yelling at people who don't like the music I like. I mean, I could argue with them about racism, or world hunger, or child soldiers, but none of those issues really matter. My taste in music, however, is serious business.”

Scientists agree. “We've studied John for the last four years,” says sociologist Arnold Wilson. “John Peswick’s taste in music is the most pressing issue in the world right now. We believe that it’s important for politicians to set their current policy debates aside and to investigate the much more pressing matter of why people continue disagreeing with John about music.”

John is looking forward to the day when the world takes his musical views as gospel. “Sooner or later, people will realize that I'm right and that they're wrong,” says John. “And when that happens, I’m going to gloat long and hard."
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