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Tuesday July 15th, 2014

Montreal is still reeling after surviving the world’s largest LSD rampage over the weekend. Six hundred cars were set on fire, several streets were turned to rubble, and a good part of Park avenue went up in flames after a group of LARPers decided to make their apocalyptic fantasies into a reality. “I never saw anything like it,” says Sgt. Lufia, one of the police officers who helped bring down the rioting mob of deranged role-players. “It was like something out of a movie. An army of crazed men dressed in renaissance fair outfits wielding weapons made out of duct-tape. You wouldn't think they'd be dangerous, but I’d rather fight a hungry bear than a crowd of LARPers.”

It took the combined efforts of five hundred police officers to put a stop to the mob, and while their violence has now come to an end, the questions about what happened are only just starting. “Thankfully, only a few people died as a result of Sunday’s attack. The property damage will likely be in the billions, and our city’s reputation as a peaceful place will take a serious hit,” says city councillor Mark Rushberg. “We know that the LARPers were high on LSD when they started their . I think the city of Montreal will need to re-examine it’s leniency towards the LARP community, given their role in sunday’s violence.”

Sunday’s events are still shrouded in mystery, though several witnesses have come forward claiming that it all started when a group of grown men dressed entirely in red started offering free kool-aid to the role-players who hang out at the Tam Tams every sunday. “That kool-aid was definitely laced with LSD,” says Bianca Xillia. “That’s the only thing that would make sense. One moment all these harmless LARPers were attacking each other with fake weapons, the next moment they were setting cars on fire and claiming it was the end of the world. You don’t go for reasonably harmless to batshit insane just like that.”

Mark Rushberg cautions people from just blaming the LSD. “People take LSD all the time without burning down half the city,” says Mark. “Yes, the LSD is partly to blame for what happened, but at the end of the day, the fact that LARPers brought so much destruction to Montreal emphasizes the dangers of role playing games. We need to put an end to LARP before LARP puts an end to Montreal."
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