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Tuesday July 1st, 2014

An Ayn Rand inspired rave dedicated to the moral superiority of the rich was cancelled after angry anti-poverty activists physically assaulted several of the well heeled organizers. “It just goes to show you that the wealthy are truly the most oppressed members of society,” said Winston Vanderbilt the 3rd, one of the co-organizers. “I was attacked by lower class ruffians just because I wanted to throw a small party for me and my friends. The brutality of the incident has convinced us that Montreal simply isn’t safe for multimillionaires, so we’ve decided to move our event to a country where poor people have the good sense to be afraid of their social betters.”

This wasn’t the first time a libertarian flavoured rave has caused drama in Montreal. Parties dedicated to making fun of the poor have exploded in popularity since the 2008 recession. “It’s becoming a bit of an epidemic,” says sociologist Max Dijon, “It’s how the rich deal with their status anxiety. They know that a lot of people resent them for their wealth, so they throw these parties as a way of feeling better about themselves. However, I think in the long run they’re just throwing fuel to the fire.”

One activist says Vanderbilt deserved what he got. “I don’t know who attacked him, but I’d love to give them a high five,” says anarchist Jason Windles. “Vanderbilt was planning to hire a dozen homeless people for his event. Do you know what their role was going to be? Human punching bags. A bunch of multimillionaires were planning to pluck people off the poor to give other multimillionaires the pleasure of hitting and insulting the homeless, it was beyond odious.”

John Fordham, an objectivist scholar and one time acolyte of Ayn Rand, says that this is perfectly acceptable behaviour. “The poor aren’t really people,” says John. “They have more in common with property than they do sentient human beings capable of agency. That’s why it’s okay for the rich to use them as they see fit. Merit is found in your pocketbook, and the size of your pocketbook is a reflection of the eternal benevolence of the free market, a market rewards people based solely on the merit of their actions. If you’re poor, it’s because you’re just not very useful to the world. Why not work on yourself instead of attacking the multimillionaires who worked for their money?"
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