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Monday August 25th, 2014

Conkordia students have rallied around 24 year old Bill Bradley after University admission officials refused to recognize that plur was a rave. “They refused to process one of my admission forms and discriminated against me because I don't conform to socially constructed gender binaries,” says Bill. “I am not a man or a woman, I am a rave. I don’t want people referring to me as a he or a him, I want them to use my preferred pronoun plur. When talking about me, it’s not he is a man, but plur is a rave. After getting a tumblr account and taking a handful of introductory classes on post-modernism, I have transcended the limiting, hierarchical notions of gender constructs and demand that the University accept my new gender designation. They refuse to obey me, so I organized a protest."

Conkordia students say the protests are just the tip of the iceberg. “The old gender binaries are dying,” says tumblr theorist and protestor Jessica Langley. “They’re dying because we are killing them with pure rage. Soon, everyone will recognize our moral superiority. We are the chosen ones. All hail tumblr."

Bill Bradley isn’t alone in adopting new genders. “People on tumblr come up with new genders every day,” says Bill. “You’ve got star genders, for people who identify as star dust. Ultragenders, for people who can’t be confined by gender spectrums. Gloomgenders, for people who identify as sad emo songs written by suburban white boys. The fact is, gender isn’t real. People can be anything they want. I want to be a rave. That’s what I identify as, and anyone who refuses to respect my chosen gender, anyone who challenges me and says I’m not a rave, well they’re discriminatory scumbags who are literally worse than Hitler.”

Conkordia professor Aylmer Fuddlesticks agrees. “I try to teach my students that it’s important to challenge gender binaries,” says Aylmer. “And the best way of resisting gender orthodoxy is by embracing pure, wilful hatred of those who disagree with you. Some people think social justice is all about empathy and compassion. Those people are wrong. Contempt, scorn, and hate are the true key to making the world a better place. Just look at Stalin, now that was a guy who knew how to get things done. I’d like to think everyone has a bit of Stalin in them, and it’s my job as a University professor to cultivate that side of their personality."

Bill says that while University has been a great place to learn how to dehumanize other people, it’s really Tumblr that taught him the true value of contempt. “I found a community of people on Tumblr who taught me that it was okay to hate those who don’t recognize that I am a rave,” says Bill. “I don’t think i’d ever have accepted my true rave nature if not for tumblr. Now I’m not just the life of the party, I am the party."

Many transgendered people find the rise of dime-a-dozen tumblr genders disconcerting. “I think folks like Bill Bradley make life harder on actual transgendered people who struggle with very real, very harmful discrimination,” says social activist Bernice Oldham. “The transgender community needs a great deal of help, support, and understanding from the rest of society, and people like Bill are making it harder for them to get that.”

Bill scoffs at the idea that plur's making life harder on transgendered people. “I am every bit as transgendered as actual transgendered people. I have suffered incredible injustice at the hands of those who don’t recognize that I am a rave,” says Bill. “And my fight for acceptance has made the world better for everyone."
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