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Friday August 22nd, 2014

Dubstep has taken the world by storm, but it’s popularity comes at a real cost. “Most people don’t realize just how dangerous dubstep is,” says safety expert Rufus Rongelle. “They don’t know dubsteps dubious history, they don’t know about the threat it poses to social stability, they don’t know about it’s relationship to satanism. They’re ignorant of it’s downside. That needs to change.”

It does, and that’s why Ravenews has teamed up with Rufus to help educate the masses about the downsides of dubstep.

1 - Dubstep was created by the U.S Military

You can’t talk about the dangers of dubstep without talking about the hows and whys of dubstep’s creation. In the late 1990s, scientists working at a covert military DARPA base were experimenting with ways to weaponize sound. Their discoveries lead to the creation of weapons like sound cannons, which police forces around the world now use to disperse protesters.

It isn’t widely known, but these scientists were responsible for the creation of dubstep. “It turns out that dubstep is weaponized sound,” says Rufus. “However, the effects of dubstep are very subtle and only become obvious over long stretches of time. That’s why the American government abandoned their dubstep initiative.”

Unfortunately, that didn’t stop one of the scientists from leaking dubstep to the public. “It’s a bit like the time the CIA created aids,” says Rufus. "They didn’t expect it spread as fast as it did. Now, we have people around the world who are slowly committing suicide via weaponized music, and they don’t even realize it."

2 - Dubstep causes unwanted pregnancies

One of the most startling effects of dubstep is that it makes birth control impossible. “Dubstep alters human biology on a granular level,” says Rufus. “One of the side effects of these changes is that traditional birth control no longer works. That’s why women who listen to dubstep are much more likely to get pregnant than those who don’t.”

The last ten years has seen a sharp rise in unwanted pregnancies, and the government has been loath to take responsibility for that. “No one wants to admit that dubstep is to blame,” says Rufus. “It’s important for people to educate themselves. If you listen to dubstep, make sure to use a condom, because the pill isn’t going to help you."

3 - Dubstep makes you shorter

One of the more serious side effects of dubstep is that it makes people shorter. “Teenagers who listen to dubstep pay a physical price for their taste in music,” says Rufus. “Studies show that teenage dubstep fans can expect to sacrifice at least four inches in height.”

The reason for this is that dubstep weakens the bodies ability to process nutrients. “It’s the same mechanism that causes all those unwanted pregnancies. Basically, dubstep confuses the body until it no longer knows how to digest things anymore."

4 - Dubstep is addictive

Dubstep is just as addictive as heroin. “Dubstep activates the same neural pathways that other addictive substances activate,” says Rufus. “It wreaks havoc on the brains dopaminergic system and utterly enslaves the nucleus accumbens, the part of the brain that manages feelings of reward and impulsivity. If you listen to a lot of dubstep, you’ll never be able to stop."

5 - Dubstep promotes Satanism

It’s been theorized that the scientist who leaked dubstep to the public was part of a satanic cabal. “There’s a lot of evidence to suggest that dubstep was really a satanic plot to bring down america,” says Rufus. “A lot of people think that’s outlandish, but before your readers dismiss it out of hand, they should really investigate satanism to properly understand the threat its adherents pose to world peace. I think, after reading all the literature, they’ll see that the idea that dubstep is a tool of Satan isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds. I think it’s pretty obvious that dubstep was created to honour Satan.”
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