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Monday August 18th, 2014
BOB MARLEY PICTURES HYPNOTIZE WHITE CHILDREN INTO DEALING DRUGS
FEATURED ARTICLE



Newspapers across the country are under fire after reprinting a controversial press release by the Alliance For Concerned Conservatives. “The press release claimed that Bob Marley pictures are hypnotizing young suburban white kids into becoming drug dealers,” says social activist Beverley Breitbart. “It’s racist nonsense, but that hasn't stopped the media from reprinting their message over and over again as if it were true.”

John Smith, president of the ACC, disputes the claim that his organization is racist. “We are not racist. It’s a scientific fact that Bob Marley pictures are turning our children into drug dealers,”says John. “We've been studying this matter for a long time. We have dozens of trained sociologists working around the clock investigating the noxious effects of sharing Bob Marley pictures over the internet. It’s a fact that nine out of ten white children who are exposed to images of Bob Marley will become drug dealers. This is science. You can’t argue with science.”

Beverley Breitbart is baffled by the ACC. “I don’t even understand how anyone can say the things they've said with a straight face,” says Beverley. “They’re obviously bigots, and they’re obviously unscientific, and yet the media continues to treat them seriously. It’s almost as if journalists generate fake controversies in order to sell more newspapers.”

Ingrid Ingerley, a representative for the Journalistic Integrity Foundation denies that the media is manufacturing fake outrage by covering press releases written by outfits like the Alliance For Concerned Conservatives. “The media in North America is fair and unbiased,” says Ingrid. “Our newspapers don’t generate fake controversies. If we’re covering groups claiming to have proof that black musicians are corrupting white children, it’s not because we’re in the outrage business or that we don’t care about perpetuating harmful stereotypes, it’s because we are pursuing the truth. Anyone who disagrees with what I just said is a delusional communist who should be thrown into the ocean and eaten by freedom loving sharks. God bless America.”

Activists like Beverley remain unconvinced. “I think newspapers are run by assholes,” says Beverley. “That’s the only thing that makes sense.”
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