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Like Us!
Tuesday April 15th, 2014
LOCAL RAVERS BAFFLED BY THEIR CONTINUED EXISTENCE
FEATURED ARTICLE



Montreal retailers have never seen anything like it. “Yesterday, hundreds of ravers showed up at my store and bought all my mirrors,” says Home Réno manager Rupert Lachance. “Every last one of them! I had over five hundred mirrors in stock on Saturday. Today, I’m all out.”

Rupert Lachance isn’t the only retailer who has seen a run on mirrors. “Stores across Montreal are being invaded by ravers looking for mirrors,” says crypto-zoologist Henry Clay. “And that’s because ravers are increasingly baffled by the fact that they still exist. They’re buying mirrors because they need to constantly remind themselves that they do, in fact, exist.”

Henry Clay has spent decades studying purportedly mythical creatures. “Ravers have a lot in common with chupacabras and big foots,” says Henry. “No one believes that they’re real. If no one sees a raver, does the raver exist? If a raver were to scream in the middle of a forest, but no one was there to hear him, would he make a sound?”

Happy Hardcore enthusiast Alice Brown has covered her entire apartment in mirrors in an effort to win her existential war. “I have wall to wall mirroring in my flat,” says Alice. “Everywhere I go, people tell me that raving is dead. But I’m a raver, and I exist, so they have to be wrong. Sometimes, though, i’m just overwhelmed by the possibility that they’re right. Maybe raving really is dead, and so am I. Maybe I’m like that ghost played by Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense, the one who’s dead but doesn’t realize it. That’s why i need all these mirrors, they keep me grounded. They remind me that I’m real. I exist. I know I do.”

Marc Duval, who is the head of the Montreal Skeptic’s Society, disagrees. “Ravers aren’t real,” says Marc. “Buying mirrors won't change that.”
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