SHOULD EXPECTANT MOTHERS TAKE CRACK COCAINE?
A firestorm has erupted among medical researchers after several studies upended the long held belief that prenatal crack exposure was an unmitigated disaster for the unborn. "We used to think that expectant mothers who took crack cocaine were placing their unborn children at risk," says Dr. Scott Fidelman. "However, recent research shows that we were dead wrong. Not only is crack harmless to the unborn, the evidence suggests it might even be a kind of wonder drug."
This new research is not without its critics. "It doesn't matter if the studies say that crack is good for you. The fact are the facts, no matter what the research shows," says White House advisor Julie White. "Just because scientists claim that taking crack is good for children, doesn't mean they're right."
Emily Bohner, a researcher at Concordia University, has spent the last fifteen years studying the benefits of crack cocaine. "There was a lot of scare mongering in the eighties and nineties where crack was concerned. Drug warriors wanted everyone to think that it was this powerful poison, that the moment you took crack, your life was over. They were wrong. People like Ms. White are prisoners to the past, and they're standing in the way of scientific progress. Yes, taking too much crack is bad for you, but so it drinking too much water. Dosage makes the difference. Recent studies show that a bit of crack can do a lot of good. Politicians who refuse to accept the facts are causing untold damage to the wellbeing of countless children who would be in much better health if only their mother had been put on a medically supervised crack cocaine regimen."
"Recent studies show that crack can help with everything from arthritis to zygomycosis, a rare fungal infection," says Dr. Fidelman. "Nowhere has the promise of crack been brighter than in prenatal care. Crack is a powerful prenatal supplement. We've found that it promotes healthy brain development, and in many cases, it can even ward against common prenatal illnesses. Children born to crack users have thicker brains, better immune systems, than their crack free counterparts."
Ms. White remains unconvinced. "You know, just because scientists claim that the world revolves around the sun, doesn't mean it's true. Scientists lie. They lied about global warming, they lied about the big bang, and they're lying about crack cocaine being good for you. Don't believe the hype. There's a reason people trust politicians more than scientists."