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Monday May 20th, 2013

Party Promoter Ginette Galipeau has always been passionate about destroying the environment. "I never thought anyone shared my love for environmental chaos," says Ginette. "When I was a child, my friends would tease me for rooting against Captain Planet. I always thought he was a smug bastard, and I vowed that I would grow up to be the woman who laid waste to the planet's ecosystems. I hated Captain Planet so much, I dedicated my life to destroying him. Sure, I know he doesn't exist, but that's not the point. I hate everything he represents. He's a symbol that I want to crush into thousands of polluted little pieces."

Until recently, Ginette thought she was alone in her disdain for the environment. Then, last month, she discovered Party On The Mountain, a weekly tradition in Montreal where ravers descend on Mont Royal with bags of garbage, which they then scatter across the mountain in a show of defiance against Gaia, the Earth Goddess. Inspired by Party On The Mountain, Ginette has declared every Sunday "I Hate Mother Earth Day", and has called on ravers around the world to get their grime on.

"I hate Mother Earth," says psytrance DJ Effie Nox, who often plays at Party On The Mountain, and has decided to heed Ginette's call for action. "Mother Earth is a complete bitch -- she's a tyrant, a dictator, an obsessive stalker that won't let us be free, man." Other ravers at last week's edition of Party on The Mountain agree. "Why should we be nice to the planet when the planet isn't nice to us?" says Ruby Blossom, a 19 year old Psychology major and jumpstyle fan. "Hurricanes, draughts, super storms, winter. Nature is mean, and it's time for us to give her a taste of her own medicine. The only thing better than dancing to jumpstyle music is polluting the earth. That's why I love Party on The Mountain. It gives me a chance to do both!"

David Geis, the gregarious organizer behind Party on The Mountain, says he never intended the event to devolve into a pollution orgy. "I just wanted to throw some awesome, free parties -- but for whatever reason, the people who started coming to Party On The Mountain decided to transform my event into a mother earth hate fest," says David. "Last week, half a dozen ravers showed up at the mountain with dozens of barrels of unprocessed crude oil, and they just started pouring the stuff everywhere. You couldn't even walk down Park Avenue without getting oil all over your clothes. This obsession with destroying the environment is getting out of hand."

Leanne Thyme, an environmental scientist who works for The Montreal Nature Institute, says she's not surprised that ravers are waging war on nature. "Ravers have a long history of defiling the environment. At heart, raving isn't about dancing to music, it's about despoiling nature. First they started by throwing their garbage around Mont Royal, now their pouring barrels of oil down the mountain. Next thing you know, they'll be tossing depleted uranium shells all over the place. The government has to get its act together. The number one threat to the planet's environmental stability isn't our over dependence on fossil fuels -- it's dirty, filthy ravers deliberately messing stuff up."

Ginette Galipeau is thrilled. "I love that raver's love pollution. In a few years time, I'll have an army of ravers, and together, we'll acidify the oceans, we'll clear log the forests, we'll fill the skies with carbon dioxide," says Ginette. "It'll be glorious."

David isn't so sure. "I just wish ravers would clean up after themselves. Why can't we all just respect the environment?" says David. "Do we really need to wage war on it? It just seems so pointless."
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