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Thursday March 7th, 2013
NITZHONOT PROMOTER ATTACKS GIRLFRIEND'S BOSS AT WORK PARTY



27 year old nitzhonot promoter and web developer Gerald Desjardins was arrested over the weekend after attacking his girlfriend's boss. "He's insane," says Laurent Tetley. "We've been dating for about eight months, and during that time, he never did anything that would suggest that he was crazy. The only weird thing about him was his love of nitzhonot music, otherwise he seemed perfectly normal."

Laurent brought Gerald to a work party at Solarius Canada, a company that designs weather forecasting equipment. "It was a black tie even with an open bar. Gerald ordered five mojitos within thirty minutes of arriving," says Laurent. "By the time an hour had passed, he was wasted. He started hitting on all my coworkers and cat calling them. Everyone kept asking who Gerald was with, I was so embarrassed."

Things kept going downhill. "My boss noticed how uncomfortable I was, so he came over to ask me if I was alright. Gerald mistook my bosses concern for flirting, so he walked up to him, accused him of trying to steal his girlfriend, and then pushed him in the chest so hard that he fell down. My boss is 72 years old. Gerald's a dumbass."

Witnesses of the altercation called the police, who were on the scene within minutes. "By the time the police arrived," says Laurent, "Gerald had completely lost his mind. For some reason, after he attacked my boss, he decided that was an excellent time to ask him for a job. The police were putting handcuffs on his writs while he was screaming about what a great Solarius employee he'd be, and how they'd never find as good a programmer as him anywhere else. The room broke out into cheers once he was finally escorted off the premise."

Laurent broke up with Gerald after bailing him out of jail. "He's an idiot. I'm just happy my boss didn't fire me."
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