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Tuesday June 11th, 2013

Stomachs are turning over the latest drug fad to hit Montreal's party milieux. "Teenagers today are consuming one another's vomit in order to save money on drugs," says Dr. Heidi Molson of the Hebrew Specific Health Center. "They mistakenly believe that drugs retain their chemical properties after they've already been consumed. These teenagers think that if they swallow a pill of MDMA, and then vomit an hour later, that their vomit will contain trace elements of MDMA on the quantum level that will permit them to share their drug high with friends. It's homeopathy by way of Japanese porn, a twisted form of emetophilia. It's disturbing to think that teenagers are doing this. We desperately need to overhaul our educational system, because we're raising a bunch of idiots."

The act of consuming the vomit of someone who is already high in hopes of sharing that person's intoxicated state is known as 'Double Dipping'. Sam Gouin, an aspiring trance DJ, is an avid double dipper. "I've saved so much money on drugs since I started double dipping with my friends," says Sam. "The high you get from eating vomit isn't like a normal high. It's a one of a kind experience, and even though it sounds disgusting, it's actually not that bad. You get used to the taste of bile after your first few trips. You even grow to like it."

Dr. Molson remains unimpressed with double dippers. "Whatever high these people are getting from eating each other's vomit is pure placebo," says Dr. Molson. "Decades ago, someone wrote an article in a college newspaper claiming that you could get high smoking dried banana peels, and countless people believed it. There is no such thing as a vomit high, and consuming another person's vomit is this generation's banana peel drug high. It's a hoax perpetuated on the gullible to trick them into doing something outrageously disgusting. It'd be funny if it wasn't so sad."

Sam Gouin disagrees. "It's not a hoax, eating vomit does get you high," says Sam. "Last week, I went to a party, and we all got high out of our minds. The highlight of the night was when one girl drank a jug of jenkem, and then an hour later emptied the contents of her stomach back into the same jug. I downed a cup worth of second hand jenkem, and within minutes, I was delirious. It was the most potent buzz I've ever experienced."
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