Club Daum erupted into pandemonium Saturday night after 24 year old Ellen Harris, while under the influence of an explosive cocktail of drugs and alcohol, defecated on the dance floor. "She just squatted on the floor, let loose a giant deuce, and kept dancing as if nothing had happened," says James Deer, the manager and proprietary of the venue. "I was across the room, talking with the bartender when I noticed what happened."

The dance floor was crowded at the time of the incident. Party goers near Harris soon found themselves slipping and sliding through her brown river. "I was walking towards the bar to buy some mojitos for me and my girlfriend when I noticed three people fall down in front of me. When they got up, their arms and shirts were soaked and nasty looking. One of the guys who got up sniffed his arm and within seconds of doing that, he puked all over himself" says Clarence Brown, a 19 year old American who was visiting Montreal for his birthday. "He just kept puking. It was all over the floor, which caused other dancers to slip and fall. I turned tail to return to my girlfriend, but someone behind me grabbed my shoulder for support as they were falling down, which caused me to go down with them. When I hit the ground, I could feel that my pants were wet. I was sitting in vomit. I got up as best as I could without touching the floor, but I still managed to get a bunch on my hand and arms. I'm surprised I didn't puke, because everyone else was."

"Ellen was still dancing like nothing had happened. Everyone around her was on the floor, covered in vomit, yelling and screaming and freaking out, and she was just bopping her head, oblivious to it all, trapped in some sort of drug fuelled alternate reality" says James Deer. "I was in a state of shock. No one can prepare a club owner for a situation like this. It was like a war zone. The vomiting was contagious. Within minutes of that idiot crapping on the dance floor, there must have been twenty or thirty people puking all over themselves and each other in my club. The place stunk of feces, bile, and human failure."

The paramedics were called, and the bouncers cleared the dance floor.

"I closed the club early, but I don't know if i'll ever open it again. Not without a serious overhaul. Ellen Harris ruined Club Daum. From now on, Daum will forever be associated with people vomiting all over each other."

Ellen Harris couldn't be reached for comment.