Index - About Us Register - Login
Article Listings
Newest Articles
All Articles
Monthly View
2019 April
2019 February
2019 January
2018 December
2018 November
2018 September
2018 August
2018 July
2018 June
2018 May
2017 October
2017 September
2017 August
2017 July
2017 January
2016 May
2016 April
2016 March
2016 February
2016 January
2015 December
2015 November
2015 October
2015 September
2015 August
2015 July
2015 June
2015 May
2015 April
2015 March
2015 January
2014 September
2014 August
2014 July
2014 June
2014 May
2014 April
2013 November
2013 October
2013 June
2013 May
2013 April
2013 March
2013 February
2013 January
2012 November
2012 October
2012 September
2012 August
2012 June
2011 December
2011 November
2011 August
2011 July
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
Like Us!
Thursday February 7th, 2013

Horrible sights are par for the course when you work as a paramedic, but nothing could have prepared Tyrone Cadwell for what he saw last Tuesday night when he made a visit to renowned psytrance DJ Powder's apartment. "Being a paramedic isn't for the faint of heart, but even I had trouble stomaching the terrible things I saw that night," says Tyrone. "I've seen bodies covered in third degree burns, I've seen throats slashed all the way through, I've seen torsos riddled with bullets, but i've never seen a man cut off his own hand and eat it."

A neighbour of DJ Powder called 911 after they noticed blood seeping through his apartment door. Tyrone and his partner Jessica Smith arrived within minutes of being dispatched. "The victim had left his door unlocked. When we entered his apartment, we discovered him passed out in a pile of his own blood, his face covered in a film of white powder, his left hand clutching on to the crimson meaty rump of what was left of his right hand," says Jessica. "I almost lost my lunch when I noticed the plate on his kitchen table. It had his half eaten hand on it."

Tyrone was rushed to the hospital, where doctors managed to save his life. "He lost a lot of blood," says Dr. Christina Cavis, "but he was brought to us in time, so we were able to patch him up and keep him alive."

The police say they've never seen anything quite like it. "We interviewed DJ Powder after his condition stabilized," says Lt. Scott Lewis, "which is when he told us that he ate his own hand in order to become famous."

Police say that DJ Powder was alone at home, ruminating over the declining popularity of psytrance music. "This young man was desperate to revive the flagging fortunes of the musical genre he had dedicated his life to," says Lt. Lewis. "He got high on ketamine, and during the middle of his trip, decided that the only way he could make psytrance popular again was if he was more hardcore than Vincent Van Gogh, the painter who famously cut off his ear. He figured if he cut off and ate his own hand, he'd make headlines around the world, and people would rush out to download his songs on iTunes."

DJ Powder's prediction came true. "Cannibalism is the new Gangnam Style," says marketing expert Didier Duval. "Two weeks ago, no one had ever heard about DJ Powder, but right now, his songs are topping the charts. Cannibalism might be an extreme form of marketing, but it works. Everyone's listening to psytrance now."

Scooter Braun, Justin Bieber's manager, is rumoured to have met with DJ Powder within days of his album hitting the top of the charts.

"If the rumours are true," says Didier, "and Mr. Braun really is interested in signing DJ Powder on as a client, it just goes to show that succeeding in the musical industry these days requires a stomach that can handle a bit of human meat."

DJ Powder couldn't be reached for comment, though he did update his twitter feed after being released from the hospital. "Tasted like pork," is all he wrote.
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2024 Rave News