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Sunday September 16th, 2012

Promoter Paul Finkelstein was accosted by a group of punks after they witnessed him videotaping a girl hula hooping on the dance floor at one of his free events. The resulting assault lead to a giant brawl between ravers and punks, leaving several people injured.

"That fat pervert Paul was wearing a t-shirt for PornCloud. He was sexually exploiting a poor defenceless hula hooping woman, brutalizing her with his camera in the name of patriarchy," said Ebert Collins, the punk who threw the first punch. "This woman was expressing herself through dance, and I wasn't about to let that sick pervert turn her into a sexual object for the profits of a giant pornography conglomerate hellbent on transforming all women into products for men to consume. I'm all about smashing the patriarchy, so I smashed Paul in the face with my squeegee."

The promoter was baffled by the assault. "It was my party. I was filming people dancing at a free event that I threw at my own expense," says Paul. "Sure, I had a PornCloud t-shirt on -- I used to work there as an accountant. But just because I've got that shirt on doesn't mean I'm filming raver porn. It was a Saturday morning in the middle of a public park surrounded by parents having picnics with their children. It's like these anarchist punks don't even bother trying to use their brains."

Sophia Gaulois, the hula hoop girl at the middle of the conflict, was infuriated by the assault. "I'm out there having fun, and these anarchists come in and attack my friends. They talk all about objectifying women, yet they don't realize that's exactly what they did to me. They objectified me, they treated me like I was an empty vessel without desires or needs of my own, and instead of asking me what I wanted, they assumed they knew what was best for me. And apparently what was best for me was attacking the very person who made my hula hoop dancing possible. They call themselves anarchists, but they're just fascists. They're not fighting for freedoms, they're fighting to take them away."

Wendy Thomas, a libertarian feminist, agrees that the anarchists were out of line. "Anarchists have a victorian sense of morality. They hate pornography. If you're a woman and you like porn, and we do exist contrary to what these mohawk sporting conservatives think, you're a horrible person and you deserve to be beaten with a squeegee. When those punks attacked Paul for simply wearing a t-shirt with the name of a porn company on it, they were attempting to censor not only his sexuality, but the sexuality of all people who enjoy porn, which includes millions upon millions of women. Anarchists want to come into our bedrooms and tell us what we are and are not allowed to find arousing. The anti-porn wing of the left is anachronistic nonsense, and they need to be stopped."

Many of the ravers who were assaulted by the punks aren't too concerned with the reasons behind the fight.

"It doesn't matter why those anarchist punk attacked," says Kayla Crovartis. "The fact is, instead of talking to us, instead of using diplomacy, instead of using reason, they just violently assaulted one of our own with a squeegee. That's wrong. And we weren't going to stand for it."

And the ravers didn't. They fought back, and soon dozens of ravers were tangling with dozens of punks.

"By the end of the fight, we had pushed back the anarchists," says Paul. "Maybe they should consider moving to the Taliban controlled parts of Aghanistan, seeing as how they like controlling people's sexuality."
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