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Wednesday September 5th, 2012
THE WARLOCK



An unhinged Montreal drug dealer attacked one of his customers this week after the two got into an argument over his name. Our narcotics peddler fancies himself a budding super-villain, and insists that everyone call him The Warlock, and when the customer refused and chose to instead call him by his government name, the dealer punched the man in the face several times, breaking his nose.

"This wasn't the first time he attacked a customer and it won't be the last" said Alex Dovan, an old friend of The Warlock. "He wasn't always like this. His attitude changed after the last Batman movie came out, the one with the Joker. He was dealing weed back then, but after watching The Dark Knight, he decided he could be a better kind of criminal. He told me that most crooks are boring, and if he was going to break the law, he was going to do it with style. He wanted to live every day of his life as if he was giving the rest of the world the middle finger, and you can't do that just by selling pot."

Dissatisfied with being a mere pot dealer, The Warlock committed himself to becoming a true criminal. After adopting his new name, he started dealing heavier drugs, got involved in fraud, theft, and even tried his hand at blackmail.

"He wants everything he does to be imbued with a disregard for social conventions, rules, laws, common decency. He hates people, he hates society, he hates pretty much everything, and he wants all of us to know it. That's why he started calling himself The Warlock. He knows that people think his name is stupid. It's his way of telling us he doesn't care what we think of him. He's become a real jerk. The last time I saw him, he stole an ice cream cone from a little girl, couldn't have been older than nine. What kind of grown man steals ice cream from a little girl?"

Alex isn't the only person who has fallen out with The Warlock, but despite all the stories of the self-styled villain's propensity for violence and boorish behavior, people still buy from him. "The Warlock might not be the drug dealer Montreal ravers want, but since they keep buying from him, he's definitely the dealer they deserve. I'd rather be stone-cold sober for the rest of my life than deal with him, but that's just me."
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