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Thursday October 11th, 2012

Henry Pattel, a 65 year old homeless man, deejayed at Lunar Ellipse 2012 after its promoter, Doug Vernes, mistook the ratty bum for one of his headliners. "I've been throwing parties for so long, I don't even know who the hell plays at my events any more," said Doug. "When that homeless man walked up to the DJ booth and asked if he was on next, I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to snorting cocaine off the nubile rump of a young seventeen year old boy named Carlos."

DJ Headtrix was supposed to play the slot taken over by the homeless man. "I asked Doug who the dirty looking old guy that highjacked my set was, but he ignored me," said Headtrix. "Trying to talk to Doug while he's getting ass is impossible, so I decided to take control of the situation. I approached the DJ booth to get to the bottom of things, but just as I was going to ask that geezer what he was doing, he turns to me, snarls and barks, then bites my hand. Like a rabid dog. I wasn't getting paid enough for that shit, so I left. I'm never playing another of Doug's parties."

The ravers were oblivious to the fact that a homeless person was on the decks. One attendee, Sean Marois, said it was some of the best music he ever heard. "If that was a homeless guy playing, than he was like an errant knight who wandered into our party, took control of our beats, and brought down some epic bass," said Sean. "His set was just as sick as everyone else's."

Music critic Donna Winters agrees. "I'm not surprised that people couldn't tell the difference between a homeless person pretending to be a DJ and a real DJ. It's like those wine taste tests -- when people don't know the brand, they'll rate a $5 bottle just as highly as a $5000 bottle on taste alone. Humans aren't that bright."

As for Henry Pattel, he wandered off shortly after playing his set, with a scantily clad raver on each of his arms. One of the girls, Lucy Gouin, gushed about his talents. "He's just as good in bed as he is on the decks," said Lucy. "I hope he'll play more parties."
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