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Like Us!
Wednesday August 29th, 2012
Previous: ROOF-TOP RAVER
Next: PUKE HUGS
CRACKPAD CLEAN-UP BRAWL



A violent fist fight broke out yesterday between two rave promoters that live together. The bickering duo got into a disagreement over the cleanliness of the apartment they share. One promoter is a neatfreak while the other promoter is a vile slob.

It's a miracle the two even live together considering their differences, but circumstances have conspired to bring both of them under a single roof. It hasn't been an easy pairing. The apartment was first leased by the dirty raver nearly a decade ago, and under his stewardship, the once beautiful downtown 5 1/2 has become a cess pool of filth and grime.

After visiting the place for the first time, Jessica Adams, one of the neatfreak's girlfriends, told him she'd never return to his apartment so long as it looked like a drug den popular frequented by heroin addicts and crack whores.

"His place is a dump." reports Jessica.

"The washroom is covered in a layer of brown slime. During a typical week, over a hundred people will visit his apartment, and he rarely has toilet paper. I'm pretty sure people just wipe their hands on the wall after they let one drop, because that's the only way I can explain the brown specks that adorn the walls of his apartment.

The place has a wood floor and it's falling apart. There are paint stains everywhere, and I'm pretty sure most of the boards are toxic. Before my boyfriend moved in, a meth cooked shared the apartment with that dirty ass raver. No one ever bothered to clean up. You'd probably get high just spending half an hour in that shit hole. And I won't tell you about the kitchen. Eww."

When the neatfreak realized his nasty flat was jeopardizing his ability to get laid, he decided to hire a cleaning crew to fix the place up. Unfortunately, the slob promoter is possessive of his filth, and like one of the dysfunctional characters from the tv show Hoarders, he had a nervous breakdown when he found out that people were coming over to bring order to his chaotic living space.

He flipped out, started yelling like a mad man, and in the heat of the moment, he punched his poon hungry roommate. A fiery night of fisticuffs followed that first punch, and only ended when the neatfreak packed a bag and got a hotel room. He's couch-surfing until he finds a new place, and is no longer on speaking terms with his messy former flatmate.
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Next: PUKE HUGS
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