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Friday November 25th, 2011
THE NASTY NIPPLED RAVER



"Fucking nasty!" was the first thing his friends said after he showed them what was left of his nipples. That was soon followed by "you are such an idiot" and "what the hell were you thinking?!". He was used to the abuse by now.

Three weeks ago, his parents found his naked body passed out on his apartment floor, his nipples bloodied, mangled and swollen. They brought him to the Jewish General where the doctors were able to piece together what had happened to him. They had less success with his nipples. They had to chop off most of his right one and his left one now looks like one of those man-eating plants from Super Mario Bros. It's a bulbous looking thing that's split down the middle and covered in tiny fleshy teeth like protrusions.

The doctors learned from our nasty nippled raver that he was a terrible drunk. After work, he'd pound back a six pack of pabst and whatever hard liquor was on hand while he surfed the web. His favorite website was a popular body-mod forum. He had become obsessed with DIY piercing within weeks of joining it.

On the night of the incident, he had mustered up enough courage to pierce his nipples. Drunk out of his gourd, he decided to pierce them despite the fact that he didn't have any of the right equipment. Instead, he improvised. He had a box full of nails in the kitchen.

Holding it was the last thing he remembers doing.

He doesn't even know how he wound up naked.

One thing he does know is that he's grateful his parents had a key to his apartment and that they decided to drop in unannounced when they did. His doctors informed him that the damage to his nipples could have been much worse had he not received prompt medical attention.

The nasty nippled raver has started work with a therapist. He hopes to cure himself of his alcohol problem.
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