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Friday October 22nd, 2010
MASSIVE RAVES INVADE AMERICA: SKINNY PEOPLE BEWARE!



There's a trend brewing in the 'burbs of Middle America. Waistlines are ballooning throughout the vast land of our Southern Neighbours, and this increase in the girth (and cholesterol level) of the American people has created a fault line between the world of the skinny folk and that of their blubbery counterparts. The obese are becoming increasingly hostile towards their lithe and supple brethren. The hostilities are most likely a result of the patronizing and often condescending anti-fatty views that permeate the world of the slim and beautiful.

Fat advocacy groups have had enough, and many of the extra large are taking a stand. The fight between big and small has finally made its way to the rave scene, as members of the obese community have banded together and started throwing Skinny-Free parties. These massive gatherings are huge fun for the overweight set, and off limits to people who prefer carrots and celery sticks to deep fried twinkies and butter balls. You've got to be round to go to these parties -- even the DJs have to wear XXL to hit the decks.

I don't think we'll see this particular trend come to Montreal anytime soon, seeing as how we're not suffering from the same kind of obesity epidemic that's hit America. There currently isn't any demonstrable hostility between the skinnies and the fatties, at least not to the same extent that exists in places like Philadelphia.

Skinny free parties are almost certainly going to increase in popularity in the years ahead, so if you're large and in charge, grab a ticket to the states to celebrate with your fellow giants. One day, your kind will rule America!
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