Last September, a small outdoor psychedelic rave was held in the outskirts of Montreal. It was a tiny, tiny affair full of neo-hippies dancing to old Goa tracks in a giant muddy field. The goaliens were probably too busy smoking various herbal products to practice good hygiene, because their little dance party turned into a horrible clusterfuck of filth and disease.

People with warts shouldn't dance naked in the mud with a bunch of strangers, and they most certainly shouldn't grind up against anyone. Not only is that disgusting, but warts are contagious. Transmission of warts from person to person is rare, which makes the dermatological disaster that followed this dirty hippie party all the more incredible.

A little over seventy five people attended this gathering, and two thirds of them reportedly developed warts in the days and weeks that followed their muddy festivities. Their cheerful bacchanal turned into a disfiguring warning against excess and decadence. The party goers who are willing to talk about their experiences swear up and down that the party wasn't that dirty, and they honestly don't understand how so many people ended up developing nasty little buggers all over their bodies.

This wasn't a verruca acuminata outbreak -- no one has come out and said they got genital warts at this party. It's the common wart, the verruca vulgaris, which is the culprit in this case. And that name tells you all you need to know about what went down at this hippie gathering. It was vulgar. And the attendants have the scars to prove it.

Kids, remember, don't scratch your warts, don't rub them against other people, don't let folks touch them, and please, if you're covered in them, don't dance naked in a muddy field full of people.