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FOOTBALL WITH A TWIST
This nerdy ravewaver thought he had scored an epic win after landing a date with a hottie he met through Craigslist. She was a gorgeous busty blond with big blue eyes, legs that went on forever, and a waist that would make Christina Hendricks jealous. This woman wasn't only out of his league in the looks department, she was in an entirely different galaxy. He was the milky way, and she was the sunflower. That's how far a part the two were.
You'd think his brains would have made up for his lack of looks, but she outclassed him on that front too. He's a well paid sysadmin who often zips around the country to give speeches at conferences on behalf of the company that employs him. He's a smart cookie. She's just smarter. She's an M.D working on a Ph.D in a very specialized field, and is currently collaborating with one of the world's top hematologists on some fancy ass project. Basically, her IQ is as a high as her breasts are big.
Why would a beautiful genius with a rack that gives grown men heart attacks go trolling Craigslist for dates? It probably had something to do with the fact that she was a crazy pervert.
The full story of what happened during this raver's date from hell is a tightly guarded secret he won't divulge. We know how the evening started -- at a coffee shop on St-Denis. And we know how the date ended -- at 3am, with the nerd half naked, covered in his own filth, and stranded at a park in the South Shore. How the nerd went from clean and downtown to dirty and in the middle of nowhere isn't a complete mystery, though. The raver nerd called a friend to pick him up, and that friend managed to squeeze enough information out from him to paint a partial picture of the night's events.
The woman kept changing venues, dragging the nerd from one place to another. Every time she brought the nerd to a new location, she would escalate things sexually. At first, the nerd was really digging that. He started the night flirting with her at the coffee shop, then they started kissing at a bar, started making out at another one, then he got a handjob in an alley. That's about the time things got weird. Her sexual favors took a turn for the unsettling. She started asking the nerd to do some pretty out there stuff, stuff that he was too embarrassed to tell his friend about.
The last thing the nerd and the hottie did together was play a game of shit football, which was apparently less disturbing then some of the activities that the two engaged in earlier that night, because it's the only one the nerd was willing to talk to his friend about. What is a game of shit football? It's like a scatological version of Russian Roulette. You fill a condom with shit, then you throw it at the other players until it breaks open on one of them. The player who gets splattered with the broken condom has to take off a piece of clothing, which triggers the second round of the game. The game ends when one of the players loses all of their closing. That person is declared a bottom, and has to spend the rest of the night fulfilling the sexual desires of the other players.
After the game of shit football, which the nerd lost, the two had outdoor scat sex. Then, for reasons only the raver knows, the woman ran off with his pants, leaving him to fend for himself. He was thankful to find that his cellphone had fallen from his pants during the woman's vanishing act.
When his friend asked him what the hell was wrong with him, the nerd said he didn't regret a damn thing. It might have been disgusting and humiliating, but it was the best sex he ever had.
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